Pokemon Galactic Battles Episode 1
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Pokemon battle quest episode onewelcome to the first installment of my pokemon battle quest fan-fic series.ill be doing several fan-fic episodes of pokemon battle quest, here is a list of the episodes ill be doing in series one.episode 1: The mountain of ho-oh! Retrieve the shards!episode 2: the ancient hero and the aura pokemon!episode 3: v.s jun!
Riolu and lucario?episode 4: Enter cole! Boulder town gym match!episode 5: jun and the battle tower!episode 6: piloswine and mammoswine!episode 7: battle tower finals!
Jun v.s the ice master!episode 8: the bells ring for bronzor!episode 9: the rise of team galactic!episode 10: v.s mars! Galactic invasion in magma town!episode 11: gym leader pyro and the thunderpunch monferno!episode 12: new trainer lucas appears!episode 13: rotom's haunted houseepisode 14: pokemon ranger kellen and the injured mewepisode 15: munchlax!
Garden of greed and gluttony!episode 16: catch eevee!episode 17: totodile and crocanaw! Saskia's evolution plan!episode 18: iron town gym!
Gym leader absent?theres the rest of my episodes for series one, its simalar to sinnoh but the storylines are different.this may carry on for most of next year and i WILL carry one working on the series so dont close my thread.hope you read these!Episode onethe mountain of ho-oh! Retrieve the shards!A young trainer named mercury was leaving his hometown of rainfall with his first pokemon, riolu.' Right, 5 pokeballs in my belt, let's go get some pokemon!' Said mercury happily as he started looking for pokemon to catch 'riolu! Rio rio riolu!'
'what is it Riolu' replied mercury, they both looked up and high up, was an enormous mountain and on top of that mountain were two pokemon. One was a giant bird with rainbow wings and just behing the rainbow pokemon, was a very strange looking pokemon that just dissapeared as soon as it noticed mercury and riolu looking at it.'
What was that pokemon?' Asked mercury. 'i believe that was an undiscovered pokemon, very, very rare'.
Replied a girl who had overheared mercury.' Who are you?' Wondered mercury, 'i'm saskia, a pokemon trainer!' Replied the girl'and you know what that odd pokemon was?' 'not excactly, I do know that the pokemon was extremely rare and is said to leave a special shard known as the Rainbow shard' 'the Rainbow shard?' Wondered mercury. 'Yes, the rainbow shard is an ancient item that makes any pokemon holding it much more powerful!'
At this point, mercury was excited about hopefully finding the rainbow shard. 'Let's go to the top of that mountain and find the shard!' Shouted mercury.Later that day, mercury, saskia and riolu reached the top of the mountain and had seen the rainbow shard, but the big rainbow pokemon was guarding it, as the pokemon woke up, mercury and saskia got ready to battle the giant pokemon.' What pokemon is that?'
Wondered mercury. 'i believe its called Ho-oh' Mercury got out his pokedex ' Ho-oh, the rainbow bird pokemon, it is said to have created 3 ancient pokemon that restored peace to an old village' 'wow this pokemon must be pretty powerful then!' Gasped mercury.the two trainers prepared for battle as they sent out their pokemon.' Riolu, you're up!' Shouted mercury.'
Go, piloswine!' Commanded saskia.'
Use focus blast!' Screamed Riolu.' Blizzard' 'swiiiiiiiine!!!' Screamed piloswine.' Shrieked the Ho-oh as it unleashed its sacred fire attack and created a huge explosion and clashed with the attacks of Riolu and Piloswine.The smoke cleared and the battle had ended and ho-oh had flown away.' Where's the rainbow shard?'
Asked mercury.' Said Riolu as he noticed noticed a glow in the distance.Riolu had foind the rainbow shard!, as Riolu picked up the shard, piloswine had seen another gem, the aura shard. 'it's the aura shard!' Said saskia as she started looking towards Riolu. 'piloswine, you found this?' Piloswine smiled and looked happy because it knew it had found something good 'Piloswine, this is great!
Thanks a lot, return' 'this aura shard will help you a lot, more than the rainbow shard but, i wonder what pokemon left it behind though?' Said saskia as she was looking at the shard.' Who knows what kind of pokemon left it behind but i bet it was a pretty good one'.As the heroes left the mountain and headed of for the next town, they looked at the shards and thought 'y'know what? This could be the beginning of a great adventure!' To be continued.please comment and review. Originally Posted by aipomguy thanks, theres more to come to!i thought of putting capitals at the beginnings of the pokemon's names because its the name of something so.Well, your right- Pokemon have names, and as a result those are capitalized. But I'm also talking about the beggining of sentances.
Even at the beggining of a phrase, the first word in every sentance should be capitalized.reason I say this is because of how you responded, didn't know if you knew what I ment.And now, before this thread ends up getting closed because of spam, I'm going to shut up.Later,-redjacketalchemist. Originally Posted by redjacketalchemist Well, your right- Pokemon have names, and as a result those are capitalized. But I'm also talking about the beggining of sentances. Even at the beggining of a phrase, the first word in every sentance should be capitalized.reason I say this is because of how you responded, didn't know if you knew what I ment.And now, before this thread ends up getting closed because of spam, I'm going to shut up.Later,-redjacketalchemistok thanks lol (dont reply)please read it, i worked hard on it. You only posted one chapter nearly seven months ago.First, it takes a while for new writers in a section to get reviews because no one knows who they are. As a new writer, no one knows if you will continue posting your story, so they don't want to review/read if all they get is one chapter. Also, no one knows how you're going to respond to constructive criticism because you are new.Second, you shouldn't come back after seven months and expect a review for your chapter, because there is no bumping of threads after a month here on PC.
It's mentioned in the rules of both PC and this section. (I would also really advise you to read the rules because you broke the bumping rule yourself, and I should close this thread.)So, write your next chapter, get a beta to help you improve that chapter, announce your fanfic in the correct thread (the fanfiction announcement thread), and keep trying to get reviews. Originally Posted by Skara I hate it when people don't look at fan-fiction sections or only look at a story that has an intresting title XD That's what this is now, users don't look at other stuff, they just think 'THAT TITLE!! D:' and that's it, no eye for quality lmaoTo be blunt.raises her hand. Familiar face who posts on at least a monthly basis and gets one or two reviews for her serious work as soon as a chapter's posted.
In fact, for the latest, we're looking at four reviews. The MST, meanwhile, got six within a day.In other words, Asty's right on a level in that you really need to post and post often to get some coverage. If people don't see you, they don't know your work exists, and if you don't post new work in your story thread, they'll assume that despite your promises, you've abandoned your story. Abandoned fics are nothing new in this fandom. Neither are abandoned fics that the author themselves claim they'll continue.Also, yes, they can spot quality, but that's the problem. If you've got a generic title that's a bit off when it comes to capitalization, yeah, they'll turn away.
Because as unfortunate as it sounds, your title is a reflection of your work. What does it say about an author if the author can't proofread or come up with enough creative material to describe their story in a single line?
Not many good things about their work, unfortunately. So, yes, they'll judge you by the title, but it's not really a shame so much as it is a given. You wouldn't want to buy a book whose title was, 'This book is a waste of your time and money, so don't buy it' unless you were expecting irony, right?That being said, yeah, you'll really need a beta. I could go over the grammatical errors here, but to tell you the truth, it'd be a bit much. My advice, though, is to really brush up on grammar because even if you think it's not necessary and that this is all a hobby and whatnot, grammar really makes things easier to read. Easy reading = readers who focus on your plot, rather than trying to figure out what you're saying.So, instead of a grammatical review, allow me to just make a few comments about plot. Originally Posted by Skara A young trainer named mercury was leaving his hometown of rainfall with his first pokemon, riolu.The first problem you seem to have is with description.
Remember that your readers aren't telepathic, so you've got to make an effort to describe what things look like to help them get a full image of what's going on. Once they can get an image of what's going on, they'll be able to immerse themselves a bit more easily in your story.
It's basically the difference between looking at the most beautiful and detailed painting you can possibly imagine and a spot on a piece of paper. (I'm assuming you're not into postmodernism for this analogy to work.) It's easier to keep your eyes on the really awesome painting, whereas the spot just doesn't keep one's attention for as long.Or, in shorter terms, you don't really describe much of anything at all, and that's really one of your bigger problems. You need to make an effort to bridge the gap between what's in your head and what's on your computer screen because otherwise, that awesome story you have in your mind just won't translate to us.Or, in even shorter terms, we know nothing about Mercury (even what he looks like), so we're already a bit lost. 'Yes, the rainbow shard is an ancient item that makes any pokemon holding it much more powerful!' Basically, this goes back to the point I was making about Gary Stus. If you make a character godly, that tends to be frowned upon.To go into a bit more detail as to why it's frowned upon, basically, it's like this.
If your character is godly, we know how the story's going to end up. Your character wins, probably in a light show full of uber powerful moves. It's just not as interesting as watching an ordinary character struggle because they don't have all the special shiny advantages and powers and need to rely on strategy and luck.
The reason why is because, usually, the Dragonball GT-esque display of godly powers is a straightforward battle that might last only a few rounds and already has a clear winner (because the protagonist would, of course, win). The ordinary character, however, needs to rely on creative ideas and has just as much of a chance at failing at the battle than he does of winning it, if that makes sense.
Hence, the battle would tend to be longer and more suspenseful as the reader tries to figure out what he's doing, whether or not he'll win, and how he'll pull it off.Or, long story short, if you have a character and heap godly powers onto him, that doesn't exactly make him cool. It just means he's less likely to do something that will shock the reader. Piloswine had seen another gem, the aura shard.Going back to my first point in this actual review, you tend to just say things happen, but you really don't go into detail about them. Hence, a reader is left in the dark about the things you bring up in your fanfiction. For example, what is the Aura Shard? What kinds of powers do the shards possess that would increase the power of its holder? What do these items even look like?
What did it feel like to pick them up? How do the kids know what they are?These are all questions you should be answering with the story, by the way, not outside of it. As in, your narration and the things your characters do and say should be enough to give us an idea of what we're looking at, but it just doesn't.
Hence, we don't get the complete story - or even enough of a story to guide us into asking the kinds of questions you want us to ask. As in, it's one thing to be vague and bring up the answers later in the story, and it's another to leave the reader completely in the dark.
Pokemon Galactic Battles Episode 12
You're aiming for the former, and to do that, you need to describe just enough to lead them to speculate as to what's going to happen. If they ask questions because they're genuinely lost and can't form ideas as to what's possibly coming up in a future chapter, that's not good. As the heroes left the mountain and headed of for the next town,Come to think of it, we don't actually know where this story is even taking place.In other words, I'm really sorry, but you've really got to take your time. Slow down and add a lot more detail. Tell us about your characters.
Show us what's happening. Try to think things through and plan out your work a bit more so that you don't have things happen seemingly out of nowhere.
Explain things a bit more thoroughly so you don't leave your readers with unintentional questions.And, yeah, the language could use a bit of cleaning up, but as I've said, I tried not to touch that for now because, as you can see, this is already a pretty long review.Also, if you're looking for reviews, we've got stickies for that. In fact, one of them is in my signature, under the link marked 'Writers.' (Alternatively, it's. The other sticky, the Fanfiction Announcement Thread, is neither by me nor something you'd want to use unless you've got new material to show us.) Try it sometime and see how it goes.
It's in beta anyway, so it'd be just as helpful to me as it would be for you if you used it.Edit: Also. But also, the reason I havent done episode 2 yet is because no-one seems to notice this threadIt's because you only post once in a blue moon. There's over 140 pages of fic in this forum, and your fic ends up being suspended somewhere in the middle because you're not updating it. We don't exactly have time to go back and find your fic, especially since you don't participate in the community (meaning your name doesn't get around enough to remind us you're here). In other words, you're obscure because.
You're obscure. It's not that we can't review new authors. We could if that author posted something that isn't half a year old. It's just that you keep letting yourself be drowned out by everyone else.points up. You really could use a beta, and you haven't posted anything new.
Your reasons in responses or not, one chapter from December of last year makes us think that your fic's abandoned.I mean, to be honest, you got a reviewer back when you started this fic, which is a lot for a new fic. I mean, I'm lucky if I get that number when I start something new unless it's comedy. Be glad for any sort of hook at all, really, because reviewers just take time to gain.And at this point, I'm incredibly tired, so if I'm repetitive and/or not making my point clear enough, feel free to ask. But the point is, you had one reviewer, and now you have another one.
So now you don't really have too much of an excuse to hold back chapter two unless you've decided against continuing or are really hoping for something to happen that really doesn't even happen when you're a veteran around here unless you're lucky or have a lot of groupies as it is. Originally Posted by Skara One, I have dislexia so my grammar isn't really up to scratch ROFLFirst off, what kind of dyslexia? In most of the forms I can think of, dyslexia shouldn't be able to keep you from capitalizing and punctuating correctly.
Pokemon Season 12 Episode 15
Dyslexia usually disrupts your ability to connect your thoughts to words or the words in your head to the way you express them in speech or writing, but as far as I know, it shouldn't be disrupting your ability to remember that you capitalize proper nouns and the first letter of every sentence. (Incidentally, yes, I have friends who have dyslexia, and they're in college and writing papers constantly. They just use the college's writing center or betas in general to help them smooth things out.)Second, I have a friend who's literally half blind and has trouble reading a computer screen, but he's able to write decently. (In fact, he's one of the best writers I know personally, and he's planning on getting a master's in English lit or creative writing.) If he can do it, anyone can.Third, helping you proofread is what a beta and a word processor's (such as Microsoft Word's or Open Office's) spell check is for. Have fun.So, sorry, but you've got the resources to help you out. Two, I don't like explaining things in detail, the way I write is that I want the readers to leave stuff to their imagination like, I write the basics, their Imagination writes the rest for themselves.It's how I like to write but I guess no-one's ready for that stuff yet XDTo be extremely blunt here, you've really got to stop talking smack about your reader because, frankly, you're chasing them away.No, what you're doing is not revolutionary. Most writing does let the reader fill in the blanks with their imagination because all writing falls short of actually showing them an image.
However, what you're doing is like putting a spot on a piece of paper and expecting us to see the Mona Lisa. You give us absolutely nothing, so how exactly are we supposed to imagine what's going on?Basically speaking, we have no idea what items look like, what Mercury or anyone else look like, what attacks look like, what happens as the result of the attacks, how anyone reacts to the events around them - anything useful to help us paint a picture.
You give us the absolute bare minimum in terms of description, and to be honest, that's not revolutionary. That's really just being lazy. =/I'm sorry to say this and sound confrontational, but please stop insulting your reader by saying 'we're not ready for your work' and 'we can't spot quality.' The problem is we are ready for quality fic, and we can spot quality. Unfortunately, and I don't mean to insult you personally when I say this, this just isn't what we define as quality.
I mean, my review about the plot holes and bad points to just your plot and characterization was longer than the fic itself. If I'd gone over your grammar, I'd probably hit the character limit. You could do much better if you got over this notion that your audience can't judge quality and put a bit more effort into your writing. Then, you'd probably get more reviews.Otherwise, if you're adamant about the idea that the reason why no one's touching your fic is our problem and that maybe I don't know what I'm talking about because your style is something new and different (which, really, it isn't because I've been encountering this kind of stuff on FFNet for years, all of which were fics by authors who just didn't care enough about their writing to try to improve), then maybe you're just not ready to get an audience yet.